Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Me…my brothers…and Zakariya in Deutschland (Part II)

Back to where I left of…I know you guys have been waiting for this for so long….Alora ( meaning: so in italian) here goes …

so you can imagine my surprise when…. the most beautiful girl I have laid my eyes on…( I have a quite picky taste so when I say a beauty… I mean it!!!!!) started chatting us up…let me rephrase that started chatting Zakariya up…Her hair was so blond that it reflected a sort of lighted aura around her oval face…her eyes were dark and deep which made the most beautiful contrast…she had the cutest little nose and the fullest pink lips which she loved to bite from time to time sulkily when she paused between two phrases…FORGET Claudia…This is the new face of L'Oreal…I bet not a single product would be left in the market after that..

Of course My brothers were drawling…even I was drawling…and Zakariya enjoyed every minute….

We soon found out that her name was Marie "Von (……)…" yes she was a von von von girl…meaning an aristocratic/amazing lifestyle girl…a bit like the" De (…)…" in France…"Del (…).." in Spanish/Hispanic countries…and "Al (….) " in some Arabic countries…although everybody nowadays start calling themselves…Al something…

Anyway at the beginning….the conversation was very banal…kind of like dreadful weather don't you think?… where you are from?….and how long are you staying?…blablabla… It was funny to see my brothers COMPLETELY ignored for the first time of their lives…( as much as I HATE admitting it…my bros are pretty handsome, drop dead gorgeous specimens of the male kind)...and till now they had no problems in attracting the opposite sex….till now….:)…..god! I am really really reeeeeeaaaaaallllllllyyyyyyy loving this!!!!!!…

After leaving her friends behind and sitting in our table…She soon proposed to be our guide tour through our stay (Duh! For obvious reasons)…she even invited us at her place for lunch* the next day…

* In Germany Lunch is at 12:00 p.m and dinner at 6:00 p.m…which pretty means breakfast and lunch for us…or a kitkat break…want to have a meal after 9:00 p.m…????? Starve!!!!!!!! ain't happening!!!!!! Or go to the Turkish neighborhood for some Kebabs…

Her place was more of an ancient palace with 100 of hectares of forest and greenery around…It was gorgeous…and so rustic…you expected any minute that knights with shining armors would pop out behind the trees and raise their swords for a one to one tournament….instead there was those tiny dwarf donkeys…(which she told me her dad imported from Tunisia especially for her…) and patched colored poneys grazing in the open space.…

And here I am…all these years…thinking that "I " was spoiled…I don't know if I should hate her…or envy her…my youngest brother though…was in love with her…actually he was in love with anyone that would let him ride on a four legged creature for hours…

Lunch was crap…partly because most Europeans think that a one course meal involving a big plate with tiny decorations and tiny winy portion inside with a leaf on top is more than enough…partly because Germans really really can't cook…. I think we will hit AGAIN the Turkish neighborhood for some real food and more appropriate times…

The next days were spent in intensive massive sightseeing ….and when I say intense…I mean it…I think we beated the Japanese tourist record…there was : Die Alte Pinakothek and Neue Pinakothek (two main art galleries if you are an art fan…p.s: the masterpieces are breathtaking)…the BMW museum ( if you are this classic german car's biggest fan you would love it…if not… you can do like me and tag along while sitting at every bench insight)…the Nympherburg castle (if you like ancient history, family tree and furniture this is the place for you!!!) the English garden…( a 900 acre park…such a lovely place to get lost in mother nature's wonders…) you can also stop at some beer gardens for a drink …It is kind of like an open air pub…of course I contented myself with a whole jar of Spetzi (A mix of Miranda and Pepsi)…a first for me….and frightening enough.. sooooooooo Machiavellically tasty…

the English garden is also THE main place for sunbathing….when the city has a glimpse of sun rays regardless the weather…a whole naked crowd of men, women and children are found laying on the ground…naked…yes naked....no bikinis…no boxers…no bathing suits…no stripped bathing suits…no underwears…no thongs…NO-THING …Nada.. (in spanish)…

It is much cooler to be naked in Germany…God even their saunas and steam rooms are mixed with nakedness….no wonder they get sexually confused most of the time….

Anyway one morning…Zakariya came in with a large bandage over his head…I was horrified…" Esh Sarlek????? (meaning: what happened to you???)"
" Walashey to7t! (meaning: nothing I fell)"
Something I learned being in a male dominating household…when they say nothing…it means there is a major thing…but they just don't want to say it to YOU…or they are afraid that you might ask further questions…
So I pretended to go to another room and slipped behind the door…oh come on!!!! like you guys never did the same…It is the only way I would know what was going on…and I was DYING to know what was really going on… so a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do…

"men jedek…to7t? (meaning: did you really fall…for real?" that was one of my brothers…Zakariya shook his head " La ouja3..(meaning: damn no!!!)" and started to tell the story of the real cause of the "fall"…

I had to run across the corridor for me not to faint with laughter…

The thing was that our good man went out all night with Marie von von von…of course they found themselves in her place…in her bed….

Marie von von von like any brought up educated catholic religious girl…had a large cross on the wall…on top of her bed…I guess Jesus was not really pleased with their acrobatic physical actions and decided to fall on their heads in a very crucial moment…more precisely on Zakariya's head in a very crucial moment…the night was spent of course in the ER…

I could hear my brothers crying with laughter…It was really hard to look at Zakariya seriously after that and then pretend not to know anything….I had to push the taunting thought of a naked jesus on a naked Zakariya…loooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllll….Oh god I thing I am going to die….looooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllll

The rest of the day was spent with Marie von von von in the fabulous magical Neushwanstein castle of Ludwig II (the king of fairy tales and weird imagination)…this is the castle that inspired Disney's sleeping beauty's palace…Zakariya was walking behind sulkily trying to stay away from us…as much as possible… As for Marie she was trying to explain to me the history behind the whole mysterious king…the thing is… she talked to me as if I was a sort of retarded …I can feel she really wanted me to be the poor miserable Arab creature when she asked " did you ever see snow????"…My instincts told me to better stick in playing dumb and miserable…

Hell what's a little "Duh!" compared to a black Mercedes with a chauffeur that takes you up the hill to the castle's door without walking with the mass…

" Actually no!!!! It is so beautiful and white….and fluffy!!! Wow I really would have loved to take some home in a bottle if it didn't melt!"…Marie was extremely pleased…My Bro looked at me like I was some sort of maniac…I gave him " the shut up and let me do my thing" look… Besides she was being extremely sweet… especially after a night like hers… so why not make her day as well…

On our last day…Zakariya hanged out with our gorgeous german friend all day…you have to give it to him…another guy would have run off the hills but not him…I guess he needs more than a bump on the head to spoil his good time…

"why don't you stay here a couple of days…you seem to enjoy yourself and she definitely seems to like you…" I asked him when he came back to pack his things…

"Nah…"

"Why? You don't like her????.. So why did you go out with her???"

"It is not that…she is nice…but it was even nicer to see the annoyed look on your brothers during these days…THAT was priceless…and besides I am not a big fan of blondes…I don't like their smell…"

No comment…

Seriously…

No comment at all…

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Me…my brothers…and Zakariya in Deutschland (Part I)

"Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.-"

Sam Ewing

It all started when we went to visit our grandmother in Munich…Germany…She had a knee problem (who hasn't in Saudi????…80% of our elderly have knee problems whether it is from sitting cross- legged/Siddhartha position but without the straight back and the meditation…or because they were praying on their knees and hands most of their lives…hmmmm…I will go with the first option)

Anyway she had a knee problem and made a surgery…we were a bit worried cause she was quite old but it turned out to be as good as new…Alhamdullelah ( meaning thanks god)…Of course at first the nurses had strict visiting hours…you know… very disciplined…very german...But this was BEFORE they met us…the AlHajeri crowd…the Saudi crowd….

I mean WHO has visiting hours in Saudi??????…Some people may even consider it an insult if the patient's door is closed…The poor sick victim has to support his family members…their friends…his hospital neighbors…their family members…and their friends…random people that like to visit sick people in hospitals as a good deed *…and total strangers…Actually you have to cross a whole corridor of flowers and a line of people before entering the room….visiting hours?????? Are these people nuts????? And That is exactly what we did…i.e changed the whole German program…:p

* It is seen as a "good action" in our culture and religion if you do the Big threes: visit sick people, attend weddings and attend funerals…even if you do not know any of the family members…they will receive you like any other visitor…In other Arab countries going to a little boy's circumcision party or greet a newborn is also considered a "good action"…

Since most of the floor were Arabs…(they all had knee problems)..and they mostly came from the Middle East (especially U.A.E and Qatar)…Every single day we had to go from room to room to say hi…wish them a quick recovery…chat a little..and accept the dates, sweets and Arabic coffee** they served us…So it took us an hour every morning to reach my grandmother's room….Of course we skipped the "foreign" patients (which I pity cause they were mostly alone)…Since they might have thought we escaped from the Loony bin or that we just wanted to bomb them for fun…But at the end of our journey there.. They did pop out and said Hello…and also they had enough of the crap they call food in the hospital…and got tempted by our oriental aromas that we bring (on a daily basis) to our grandmother…***

**Damn! the U.A.E Arabic coffee is strong…I couldn't sleep for two days…In Saudi we use more "Hehl" ( sort of herb and spice we add to our coffees...Saudis use a lot of those!!!)

***Another thing about hospitals in Saudi…we never eat the hospital's food…we don't care how much Calorie...how rich...how spicy our home cooked meal is…but home-cooked diet it is for the rest of the stay…

One day…after doing our "grandchild" duty…my Brothers and I…decided to go sightseeing…we have never been to Germany…and although the weather was awful (-8 C)…and I was shivering to the core…It was worth seeing the "Heart of Bavaria and the city of Oktoberfest****" otherwise known as Munich…

****It is a Beer festival that they carry on every year in October…Needless to say that in this particular month it is packed with foreigners (especially Americans that traveled all the way for a pure German "Bier"???!!!) and we can also see Red dressed waitresses with blond braids and big arms (For them to carry the massive jars of Beer)…

Anyway… One of my brothers has a Khawi (also spelled 7'awi) called Zakariya…Before I go any further I need to clear this last point…A Khawi literally means a brother…But of course they are not "natural" brothers they are sons and daughters of families that have been working and living with a tribe or a family for generations…Kind of like the adoption of a whole family…They mostly come from African backgrounds and are brought up with the same education and life style of the main family itself…It is very common for Tribes and Big families in Saudi Arabia and other Middle Eastern countries as well to have "Khawis"…Of course now it is not as often as before…Because it is more difficult to sustain your family and others at the same time….But it still exists…

Back to my story…so one of my brother's khawi is a guy called Zakariya…He is a witty young man…tall…very dark skinned…not very talkative…but I guess charming in his own way…whatever it is he is NO Puff Daddy…So you can imagine my surprise when….( to be continued)

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The Hajj and Saddam..

Belated Eid Mubarak (again) bloggers…and HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007…Being an astrological freak my best friend offered me the latest Maggy Farrah* zodiac signs book for 2007….In short it will be an excellent year for: Capricorns…Cancers (lucky me!)…Libra..and Aries…If you are not one those signs then TOO BAD!!!!!! Lol…All jokes aside I hope it will be a wonderful year for everyone…

*A Lebanese psychic that is very popular in the Arab world…

I just came back from my first experience of Hajj…But like I said to some people I am NOT to be called a hajjiyah**!!!!!....so don't even think about it!!!!…

** a" Hajji" for a man and a" Hajjiyah" for a woman..is the term used when a calling a person who has performed Hajj or an elderly…(since most of the people choose to perform it at a later stage in their lives)…

I also will NOT go through the details of how to perform it…because it is 1) too long…it did take me 4 whole days to finish everything…2) any good Islamic book could tell you that… but what I will do is tell you ( in short) my feelings about my first time….and how I went through this unique experience of being reborn…clean…detoxed…splashed with Detol / Clorox…Thus coming out as a new Mashael…

This year the timing of the Hajj was on a Friday…better known as the Hajj AlKobra (meaning the Big Hajj)…it is counted as 7 Hajjs in Islamic beliefs…soooooooo when people knew that… 1million and a half more Saudis decided to perform it…added to the 3 million that came from abroad… nearly (all and all) 5 million people went to Hajj this year…The arrangements were much more organized than the previous years…Traffic was stopped and forced to take a longer route.. so the whole region was pedestrian specific…. Cooking…Barbecues….fires are strictly prohibited due to previous "accidents"…and the whole region in Mina (a region close to Mecca) was sectioned into tents and compartments and these were put into compounds according to countries…I did widened my geographical knowledge when I was there… in fear of sounding like a total Bimbo…Half of the flags I have never seen in my life…and I tried to look them up when I got back…(I know I know I am a total freak!!!! But hey you learn something everyday!!!!)... Of course I (and my whole family) were in one of those tents that was under the Saudi national flag…It felt like going to a boy scout trip…cause although every 2/3 person had there own room…you could hear everything…I mean EVERYTHING …around you…and my neighbors were not the quiet type either: an old couple that had to talk about their day EVERY night in details…two young girls that received phone calls every 5 minutes from friends that asked them to pray for them (I don't know how they had a network cause my phone was networkless)…a couple of guys that laughed at the top of their lungs about their shaved heads and haircuts***…a mother scolding her child for splashing water everywhere after she took a shower in the tuna can we call bathroom…

***It is favorable for men to shave their heads or cut it short after performing the Hajj…The women just cut a lock of hair

And although most people had a shelter…a lot more were in the streets…on roads…and under those small camping tents that you take for a w/e under the stars…and since they outnumbered the expected visitors…duvets (since it is a bit chilly this time of year), food, water were distributed among them…

Truthfully I pity the security and national guards…the things they have to go through and the patience and stamina they have to have to bare the ignorance of some people and to keep everything under control…I am just amazed how after ALL this time… they are still on their feet and didn't go mad by pounding on people's heads…

Anyway (for me) The Descend of Arafat**** was the most impressive…As we walked down the sacred mountain….At sunset…peacefully…for hours…all in white*****…men and women chanting " Labayk Allahouma Labayk" (meaning We are here my Lord…we are here…) I couldn't help but have a chill running down my spine…and I was tearing continuously…I couldn't help it…It was too strong…too powerful…It was like a glimpse…a preview… of the Hereafter…the judgment day…and we are only a few million people…The sky was crystal clear and only a stroke of color showed that the darkness that will overcome the land soon…

**** Arafat is the place were we pray and ask our deepest desires from noon to sunset…non stop…It is believed that God in that particular day and that particular time comes down to the earthly sky…It is the most important step in Hajj and the moment where your soul is cleansed and you feel like a new person….

***** White…is believed to be the colour of purity…angels…the Light of God…and most importantly…it is what Muslims are covered with in their tombs…

Mozdallifah was our next stop…to pick up the stones for the Jamarat ******…Mozdallifah was a place where pre-Islamic tribes used to meet up and compete with their status…their names…and the purity of their race…That is why it is a favorable place to recall God…and praise him with his names…To remind us he is the all mighty and in his eyes whatever status we are…we are only judged by our actions…

******The Jamarat…is the place of the Devils…and is believed that they are tied up in this particular time…that is why we throw stones at them…three days in a row…to make us stronger and not give in into temptations…This ritual was performed since Adam…

Anyway the most surprising and shocking part of the Hajj…was the Eid…We were at Mecca…People traded the traditional white Hajj clothes for their own cultural "party" clothes…There something about God and Fashion that meshes so well…the streets were covered of the sparkle wears of Africa…the colourful veils of Asia…the traditional clothes of china…the western clothes of Russia…the classy engraved hats of Indonesia….The Jalabiat of Morocco… and also the green and golden scarves that an American group wore around their neck for some reason…I couldn't help but overhear their conversation as we went around the Kaaba…Since they talked really loudly and had a very strong Californian accent…."Oh my God…It is sooooooooo crowded…told ya…we should've waited till 3"… Suddenly out of nowhere….a big group was screaming at the top of their lungs…raising an Iraqi flag.. "Long live Iraq and May god bless Saddam!!!! May god destroy the Americans!!!"…A lot of us turned around….we didn't know what was going on…(quick reminder: we were disconnected from the world for 3 days…so a lot of us didn't know about the death penalty at that time….)…Especially it was too incredible and unbelievable that this act was performed in the day of love…harmony…rest and family…a day where all the people that performed Hajj were at peace with themselves…in connection with their souls…What kind of deadly and bloody gift is that????...It's as if we punished Bush for what he did in Afghanistan and Iraq…by hanging him on Christmas day!!!!!! Talk about a Santa gift :p...It reminded me of the killing of a Russian journalist a couple of months ago by the Mafia as a birthday gift to the president Poutin...

Of course the word spread around….and one by one people from different backgrounds…..different race…different language….followed the group…people who hated Saddam…started to love him for his courage….people who loved him…made him a saint when he formulated the monotheist sentence.."There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his messenger"… without covering his face with the black Bag…people who were not political…became political…people who didn't know anything of Saddam…Came to know of him… people who didn't take sides…took sides…He became a Hero…a man who was refused to be shot and was hanged instead…a man who's name would be known in history…a president who was sentenced to death after a public humiliation in court…At the end of the day what did they really benefit from the death of Saddam?????? Seriously??????....But only hatred and a vicious cycle of injustice…