Men:
At 20: They don't know what they want
At 30: They know what they DON'T want
At 40: They know at last what they want
At 50: They don't want to know anything
At any age: They think they know what we want
Women:
At 20: They want everything
At 30: They hope for everything
At 40: They know everything
At 50: They finally understand everything
I read it in a book somewhere….
8’clock in the morning... work.....
I felt a bit drowsy …I am having once again those sleeping phases : I am extremely tired once I go to bed and then suddenly I wake up in the middle of the night.. Like a possessed woman...
Ok... let’s get one thing clear here... I am not really "possessed" It is just an expression for all you jinni-ghostly-the evil eye believers out there...and besides with all the Sourats of the “Cow” * I put in my room...you really have to be a huge mean ugly jinni to pass though the door..
I know...I am loosing it...
* please note that the Sourat of the "cow" is believed to a lot of Muslims to be a good antidote for the evil eye, evil spirit and black magic (yes it still exists and is very present in our part of the world and will talk about it soon in my blog)
Well...like I said, I felt a bit drowsy and since my boss was not here to order me around...I was at peace for a while...
My "work" partner Sita popped in like she always do...she is one of those people you turn around and see in front of your face in the blink of an eye...
At first it freaked me out since I am short sighted and seeing just two sleekly eyes out of a covered face** is too much to handle before my morning coffee...but then I got used to it…
**A fact: some girls cover their faces at work and some don't…some do it as a part of tradition and some do it as a way not to be known when she is out partying, on holidays or is simply "chilling" …
“Halla (meaning: hi) Masha Habibti (meaning: darling)...how was your weekend????…”
“Okay”
Kiss...kiss...kiss on the right cheek
“No sleep again?...”
No kiss on the left…
“Hmmm…I don’t know what is wrong with me”
“Maybe you think too much...”
WHY when something gets out of hand suddenly it's “I think too much”???? Then I get this pitiful you- are- not –alone- in- your- misery-tell -me –what’s –wrong look… Even if it is true... shouldn’t I be tired cause yesterday for example I had the time of my life and I was surrounded by beautiful faces and incredible smiles!!!!!..
No comment...
“Wanna grab some coffee and sit on the coaches outside?” *** I ended up asking...
***Before I get insulted, banned from society and thrown at w/ cucumbers and lettuces please note that this post happened before Ramadan
“Fine with me!!!!”
I like these moments of self meditation while sipping our DR. Dre skimmed milk caramel topping Café latté... cause that is all we end up doing Sita and me in our free time... and besides I had a particular research in mind...
“Hey Sita! If this amazing guy comes to you...and you have this incredible connection and everything is right and perfect...but then you found out that he is married with two kids and might have one on the way… Would you still marry him or forget about the whole thing ????”
“Good morning....Where did that come from?!!!”
“Just a simple question…”
For all of you non-Islamic and “cool every Arab has a harem out there!!!”...Let’s clarify some basic principles…it is normal or let’s say it is legal for a guy to have 4 wives...but that is not really the “Vogue” here.. Cause you have to treat them equally: FINANCIALLY and PHYSICALLY...
And how many guys do we actually know that can do that for ONE SINGLE person???...so let us not start with four!!!!!..
“Well it is kind of hard to say...I myself I am the daughter of THE second wife...and my mom is much younger than my dad...” Sita confessed…
The second wife factor… and interesting theory...It usually involves middle aged men…that got married off early by their mothers to (in most cases) their cousins…because she gets along with the mother in law or it is her sister's daughter or she wants to keep the heritage in the family or she just wants grand children that are a perfect genetic clone of herself and (in most cases) mutated….
It is important to know that some mothers in the Middle East especially in Saudi like (let me rephrase that) LOVE to be the center of attention and devotion of their sons….If horrors of horrors the "son" in question falls in love…She might do everything in her power to break off the engagement or marriage…A lot of times it works…even if there is nothing wrong with the girl…Feelings shouldn't be involved… The more uninterested he is of his wife the more the mother loves her daughter in law….It is very perverted but it is true in every possible way…
Back to my point… middle aged men are usually the ones that get married again… maybe because they want to feel younger …or maybe because at this stage of their life they know what they want and are less influenced by their mothers…or maybe simply because they found the love of their life…the woman they click with intellectually, physically and emotionally…
Sita's mom on the other hand is another story...her mom ended up educating the whole family her own kids and the former wife’s kids...which made me think ( H-E-L-LOOOOOOO?????!!!!) but hey who am I to judge????..
“So would you go for a guy like that?” I asked
“I really don’t know... I have to be in the situation...”
Ok...that is not really helping...
“I am not a “Kid” person to tell you the truth and if the guy comes with baggage... doesn’t work for me...” Answered my 30 soon turning 31 unmarried friend Aseer when I popped the question...
“Even if you asked for divorce? And would you do that?”
“Oh yeah … definitely ... I am not the sharing type ... and besides I told you I won’t go for it... I’d rather be alone... It is like this see... I am not willing to “Asoum oua asoum oua asoum 3ashan iftar 3ala basala" (meaning :to fast all this time to end up eating an onion).
Hmmm… if she puts it that way...!!!
I went back home puzzled... How many girls would actually settle in their early twenty’s and even in their late teens for a married guy?
“Loads...” answered my second wife to be cousin barely 23...
“Yeah...why?”
“Well Masha... it is quite simple... it depends on what you really want from life... a married guy usually is more mature… even if he is young cause somebody else did all the work for you.. So when you actually end up with him he knows what to do and brings you security, happiness and all you need without you screaming for it... Take my Badr for example… he loves me to bits since he is the one who chose me and not the mother that bought him his first wife !!!”
Clearly the woman has issues with her future mother in law..
“And besides" she added " You don’t want a guy stuck to you 24/7 do you?? You have to have your own life make your own plans and achieve your ambitions... And it is soooooooo hard to do that with a single guy because he takes all your energy...”
Hmmm ... got a point there...
I mean … Single guys are so fussy these days that they actually think they are God... Maybe because there are 50 girls on a guy... even if the latter looks like hippopotamus …And they did actually say (recently in a review) that the Y chromosome is shrinking and in X hundred years the male species will be practically extinct…. Trust me! that’s not something guys would feel bad about...
But...if you fall in love with a married guy and you ended up marrying him...Aren’t you the OTHER woman??? The " B" that stole him away ???? Even if he is miserable and he and his wife detest each other and are leading separate lives... (Which most of the time they are)… You are still the evil witch that cast a spell on him… Is it worth all the hassle for one man?
Is a married man really safe?
10 comments:
Well i guess girls who would go for a married man and be quite pleased about it have their diverse reasons .. many reasons .. most reasons may seem quite desperate y3ni .. or not .. but still .. bieng the only one in his life means a lot .. wil 3ibra bil naji7een y3ni .. those who lead a succesful marriage ..
lol @ ".. you really have to be a huge mean ugly jinni to pass though the door .." :P
Interesting post mashallah 3laik masha3el ..
Great topic :)
Regarding the reasons of "why marry a second" you forgot to mention if the guy and the girl got caught by the hay2a ;)
Trust me it happened to a cousin of mine TWICE!! and he decided to marry both :)
But back to the main discussion of your post, we are over 6 billion people in this world and each and one of us has his/her own opinions, on a specific question you will get different answers.
My point of view (from a shrinking Y chromosome ;P) it all comes to your own opinions/decisions and the respect of the islamic law that every male should always remeber (equallity in all it's aspects and respect) :D
A friend of mine actually decided to marry a married man with teenage children.Her reasons were:
1- He is old and mature and he will take good care of her.
2- young guys these days are hard to trust.
Since i know my friend since we were 10, i can say i know her well enought to know what else she was thinking about. 2 of her younger sisters are married already, and in her family girls are usually married off early. She was under too much social presure too. You know how women can be mean !
I believe a lady who makes a decision to try build her happiness on another womans missary is doing something immoral.
I was totally against this marriage, But after all this girl is one of my closest friends. I attended her wedding.
The other thing, to my shock THE FIRST WIFE WAS THERE !!
she was welcoming people, walking around from table to table to mAKe sure everyone is comfortable, she was the talk of the day, she was the shock of my life. although other ladies who were there were not, they said it happens all the time. The first wife even danced after the zafah :|
anyways my friend now is 6 months pregnant, and unhappy and regrets her dicision. The problems she has with her husband and teenage children and other wife (knowing they all live together) are just bizzare.
I think my post is getting too long, sorry i got carried away :P
Have a good day.
for someone who has sleeping phases u sure talk a lot :p
unbiased najdi: no I don't think all of them are desperate some have different ways of thinking thats all...but I am with you in "being the only one in his/her life means a lot" x x x
jirukun: lol..your cousin was a rebell..but his case is quite rare..and I guess he gave you some ideas cause you sound like you don't mind being caught too.. to have both...lol x x x
nadz: If your friend did it for society than it is a big mistake..and of course she regrets her decision ..we women should know better than to listen to other women...It sad but it is true...but she is lucky to have a first wife that considerate...(Tarra it is quite common to find the "ex" in weddings..it happens a lot...sometimes the "ex" in question tries to find another wife for her husband cause she cant handle him by herself...I hope your friend will feel better with time it all depends on her husband why he handles things and how he takes care of both his wives without hurting their feelings...thanks for commenting keep it up x x x
twix: lol...what can I say I am a girl it is in our DNA...and besides have to share my experiences and feelings with you guys...lol x x x
first of all i'm so in love with a married man , i'm 25 he's 26 his wife is 30.
second i was in love with him before i knew he's married .
third he have 2 kids & rarley speaks to his wife (they r cousins) practicly like brother & sister in the house.
inshallah we'll get married soon ,she knows & don't mind .
am i (shererah) for doing it ??
i don't think so :)
anonymous: of course you are not "sherira"..As long as you love him and are happy with his situation...than go for it...That might sound like a grandma thing but do an "isti7'ara" before any decision..it really works...I wish you all the hapiness and luck in the world...& Mabrouk for your coming marriage...x x x :):):)keep on commenting..
Each woman is different.I like my man to give me all his attention.So,2nd wife is not for me.Other women need their space,2 focus on careers or whatever,so 2nd wife would work for them.My pals first husband hit her nd she left him,now she is going to be a 2nd wife coz d man treats his 1st wife well!If evry1 is happy with d situation,then the couple must do what is best for them..
yes i agre wit u i am pakistani
but this time i am
an ksa riyaadh
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heart_hacker056@yahoo.com
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