I like nonsense; it wakes up the brain cells.
-Dr. Seuss
Here it is the story you have all been waiting for….I will go back to where I left it…
Oh this is not good at all…my being polite/social scenario is turning into a nightmare…What will I do? Where do I go? Who should I talk to? Who do I know?…..And there was light!!!!!!!!!!!!!…Daili Lama….
(Nooooo not the guy that that sits in a mountain with an orange robe meditating on the complexity of the human soul)….But my friend Lama…we call her Daili the Mighty Lama…Since she is the wisest (not too sure about that) most experienced and the OLDEST of us all….If she knows I used the "O" word she would exterminate me like a black fly on her chocolate soufflee…As long as we can remember: Lama is 29….and tends to be that way for the rest of her life….
Anyway had to call her…She might help….I can't do this alone…and I can't pretend Eloi doesn't exist and that he had the wrong number (why didn't I think of that earlier)…and I definitely utterly horribly UNIMAGINABLY can't invite him home for a welcoming meal….I am afraid if I asked my dad he would go spontaneously death…..
But usually that is what we normally do…with family friends and others….and the ONLY foreigners that saw our welcome mat on the doorway were doctors…Bankers…and maybe gay interior designers….(hmmm that could be a plan)….Nah…. He doesn't look gay enough….And too risky…..
I hate it I hate it I hate it…Cause I can feel the guilt overwhelming me if I just ignored him or told him to "bogger off"… Me being Arab and Saudi and all…. And my "host" genes switched fully on….I just can't do it…Damn genes….Damn Damn Damn…….(sorry to all sensitive ears and PG 12….I am usually a very refined person )
Anyway had to tell Lama…She will figure something out….
She did…(not figure something out) but suggested coming with us and being the guide tour…She thought that it was "marra" (meaning: very) exciting and the thought of practicing her French…(which resumed to: je m'appelle Lama… je suis celibataire… je suis saoudienne *) made her jump for joy and plan her days to come….I don't think she understands the seriousness of my situation over here….If I get caught by any member or relation or anyone that BREATHES the same air as my family be it man…woman... children…plants….trees…cats and even dogs…I will be shesh kabab for supper…
So what did I exactly do?….I went and met Eloi with Lama…
* " My name is Lama…I am single…I am Saudi…" She thought it was more than enough to get her what she wants with who she wants in whatever French city she wants…
At Eloi's Hotel…
" Oh mon dieu ! (meaning: oh my god!) Masha you become zo pretty and zo tall!"
"Well that’s what 7alib Nido** does to a girl!"
"Vat?"
"Forget it! I am just being silly"
** 7alib Nido meaning milk Nido…It is usually a powder milk drank by babies and was for a long time the main (if not the only) advertisement on Saudi TV
Masha this is not the time for a comedy routine…Everybody in the hotel lobby is starring and Lama is reaaaaaally not helping by drawling over the guy…I am really nervous about the whole thing….But I must confess he changed so much from the skinny little boy with a Lacoste jacket over his shoulders…Hmmm they are creating them pretty good over there…Oh god! This is soooooooo not the time…
Eloi on the other hand was like in a world of his own…He wanted me to cover my face (I don't usually do) to see the Shahrazad version of me…The eyes and the veil its like a fantasy to these people…and I had to do it 456 times a day…just for him to think he is Lawrence of Arabia…ahhhh….The simple things in life….
He also started talking about his impressions of the country…How his work colleagues were nice and how the whole society is so different and fascinating…He also found my crystal designs in the back really cool and started to touch my Abbaya…I don't know what happened to me but I snapped "Ok….Eloi …Here you shouldn't really touch in public…ok?…BAD…BAD to touch in public!!!"
" Oh bien sur! (meaning: of course) I underztand…"
" 7'awaftih Meskin……ya 7elelo! (meaning: you scared him poor thing…he's so cute!)" Of course that was Lama' remark….This girl is really getting on my nerves with her "being very sweet and feminine" act…But I must admit she was a great help in the touristic tour…I am beginning to discover my own country…(oh please give me a break!!!!)…. How many people around the world do you actually know that know their own country and even less there own city…...5 ?
Anyway Like I said I was beginning to discover my own city…We went to all the historical places like "Al Dir'iyyah" which showed the roots and history of Saudi Arabia as well as an insight into the way of life in the region in the late 18th and early 19th century…"Al MusMak Fort" and the Ruler's Palace District …The National museum…and….hmmm…I think that’s about it…lol….
If you have told me a couple of months ago that I would find myself in the middle of the afternoon…in the middle of nowhere…exploring hidden treasures…I would have burst out laughing…but here I am…A F***Archeologist…….(sorry again to all sensitive ears and PG 12…. )
Of course restaurants…Faysaliah globe and shopping centers were on the menu as well…The funny part is…we had no trouble walking around with Eloi…I mean we were not stopped…or questioned or compromised in any situation (only starred at by women who were desperately tying to figure out what was the connection here or because they just wanted to stare) But seriously it actually was very weird…It was like.. yeah you can go in and hang out …yeah no problem he can go in the family section ALONE and meet you guys up….I mean are male foreigners not considered men? Are they not threatening enough? Are they not virile enough? A lot of our security guards and male compatriots tend to think so…
It reminds me of an incident that happened to a friend of mine…I was at her place in London and she was changing in the bathroom with the windows wide open…I pointed at the building facing us…and told her that she better close the windows cause people might be watching…she was like " Nah….there only british!" As if she was saying "Nah! They can't get excited!" Or "Nah! They're gay!!!!...." lol :) it is actually hilarious….
Anway...back to my story…
One night Eloi wanted to invite us in a restaurant to thank us for our hospitality…(he wanted to stay a few more days but I persuaded him to check out Jeddah ..A beautiful city on the red sea…ideal for scuba diving…Cause another day of sneaking and playing hide and seek with the driver is more than I could bare)
We went to the restaurant "Entrecote"… we thought it would be a nice gesture to take him to the famous French steak house with a breathtaking view of Riyadh…And we thought right…He couldn't believe it…and neither the girls sitting next to us….
" Tefakary enhom mdayateen ? (meaning: Do you think they are on a date?)"
" La La…ouja3 m3a thnenhom? ..Bes Allahou a3lam ! (meaning: No no..I don't think so..with both of them? But you never know!)"
" bes hou yihabel! (meaning: he is really cute!)"
" eeeehhh….bas sa3ba sara7a hathola mou mtahirin!!!! (meaning: yes…but it is really hard to be with someone like that…these people are not circumcised !)"
I nearly chocked on my grape juice…lol…poor Eloi they don't even know his name and they already went down his pants…lol…Lama starred at me with a (should- I –teach-them-a-lesson) look… I just shook my head.. It was not worth it…
" esma3i ana lazem arou7..Alwaaled jay bas eg3edi enti ma3a alFarensi (meaning: I've got to go..my father is coming but you stay here with the French guy) " That was me…I have to admit and never thought of it till I saw it in print…Saudis have a tendency to drop names when it comes to foreigners and keep the nationality…like "I am with the American will talk to you later…" forget " I am with John will talk to you later.."
We even do that to other middle eastern countries like " Wen al Bahraini? (meaning: where is the Bahraini?)" Another fact that emphasizes on thinking ourselves the center of the universe…
As I said goodbye to Eloi by giving my hand cause he was going to jump and kiss me… (No you perveted bloggers not a French kiss!!!! ) but the kiss on the cheeks thing… It is a very common thing in France…Anyway as I said goodbye and went back home… I couldn't help but smile…It was an experience I never thought I would have here in my homeland…But it was different and it was nice….
That doesn't mean it is ok to visit Masha in Riyadh…NO!!!!!...BAD…BAD to visit Masha in Riyadh!!!!! Never again….:)
9 comments:
H Masha,
Wow that was an awsome story ,As i read through i actually picturised myself sitting invisible between you Lama and Eloi and watching the whole thing happen all over again. You know im in Town too.... yu think youd like to repeat everthing all over again....LOL just Kidding
Keep blogging
Take care
Sameer
All's well that end's well :)
I'm happy for your experience, and to say the truth I'd say that you did the right choice (even if it's streching it out a bit ;) due to Saudi rules)
But what wrong with a quick sight seeing with a couple of friends right? :)
".. I mean are male foreigners not considered men? Are they not threatening enough? Are they not virile enough? .."
I have been thinking about this since back when .. a contradiction never to be questioned i guess .. only for us 'Saudi guys' to suffer partially from .. ok mainly not partially :p ..
".. That doesn't mean it is ok to visit Masha in Riyadh…NO!!!!!...BAD…BAD to visit Masha in Riyadh!!!!! Never again…:) .."
Bsara7a it's amazing that no one ever questioned the sight of two saudi girls with an outgoing french guy! it's like something out of a Dar alSagi novel <-- that's decent dont worry :) ..
Not to sound like a well known cliche .. but you do know that you skipped so many possible unwanted scenarios! lucky misha3el :P
Very wonderful story!
I think you're right, too, in how Saudis tend to dismiss anyone not a Saudi. I would frequently be in public with a Saudi woman (or women, depending) in Riyadh or Jeddah. While it might raise an eyebrow or cause a comment, it never became the issue it would have become had I been Saudi (or even other Arab).
These meetings were, of course, business things, not dating things. I knew that; they knew that.
I don't think we looked at each other as androgenous beings, but knew that for many, many reasons, dating was not going to be an issue.
So no problem as far as the participants were concerned. What others think, though, is certainly something that has to be kept in mind in the KSA, unfortunately.
sammer khan: lol...NO WAY!!!! but seriously if you need anything or want any information don't be afraid to ask;)xxx
jirukun: definetely!!!there is absolutaly nothing wrong:)xxx
unbiased najdi: I am going to check out this dar al sagi novel of yours...lol...you're the kind of guy who wouldn't mind a little lesson to be taught to lucky mashael no?:):):)x x x
john: I think it all boils down to how comfortable you are...you can be a single girl surrounded by 10 guys if you feel natural and find it "normal" to talk to ten guys weither it is a meeting or "other" than people wouldn't mind..appearances are very important in arab countries...:) x x x
ow I thought the story is gonna end up like, "whoah, that's how I got my first French kiss". lool.
Awwwh Mashael,Eloi is so lucky to have a pal like you. I hope he knows how u put ur neck on d line for him. That said,Im so glad u had fun,and did something different:)btw,its true.Nonarab men are all considered to be NOT sexually desirable at all because they not circumcised.I asked my brother for u and he said so.Thats probably y they r so ignored..From Lamya
someguyfromplanet: yeah yeah...:):):) lol but you did raise and interesting question...why is it called french kiss? Is it possible that they were the one who did it first? nobody else kissed before that?....hmmmm I wonder!
Lamya: darling if you want some answers don't ask a MALE ...ARAB even less your brother...of course he will tel you they are non desirable...lol...try a feminine point of view....:):):) x x x
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